


Say Your Stupid Line

by TheRudeTasteofSane



Category: K-pop, SHINee
Genre: Angst, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 23:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19037299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRudeTasteofSane/pseuds/TheRudeTasteofSane
Summary: Break me into bigger piecesSo some of me is home with you





	Say Your Stupid Line

The guilt nearly chokes him.

  
With cold and faintly trembling hands, Jonghyun types in the passcode on his boyfriend's phone.

He is not the kind of boyfriend who does this. He's not the jealous type. Never has been.

But when Jonghyun heard the unmistakable sound of a message coming from a phone Taemin shouldn't have had any reason to be using anymore, it sparked an interest.

A name, feminine, on the screen. A bold message, promising good things at their next meet up. He scrolls through previous messages, confirming his worst fears.

Curiously, the hurt isn't as strong as he'd expected. Muffled, like being underwater. Jonghyun thinks it's possible he doesn't really care that Taemin’s taken a lover. After all, he himself has admitted and displayed a decided lack of interest in sex.

Why shouldn't Taemin look elsewhere to meet needs Jonghyun can't bring himself to complete?

 _Unhealthy_ , he thinks. _The whole situation_. And complicated in ways he can't begin to understand.

The love he feels for Taemin is genuine. This much, Jonghyun knows. But he also worries that it's faded, not as strong as it needs to be to work things out.

The weeks leading up to this moment have been rough. He and Taemin have had countless arguments recently, but he wants so badly to fix things. To get back to being a happy couple.

But the more he thinks, the more doubt starts to eat away at him.

Jonghyun wonders if their relationship is really worth fighting for. Or if he's just scared to lose the pillar of stability Taemin had offered in his life.

He feels a sudden stab of loneliness. They haven't spent much time together lately. Mostly it’s Jonghyun’s fault, too caught up in his own interests. An entirely selfish gesture, it’s true. But, there’s also a conflict of schedule. It's much harder to make time for a significant other when neither person's off days match, or they work different shifts. In this case, both.

He thinks about how 5 nights out 7, Taemin falls asleep on the couch.

Jonghyun thinks that it isn’t fair, how the one relationship he's actually been mature enough to maintain is in danger of disintegrating into nothingness.

He feels powerless, wishing he knew the right words to make Taemin understand. Wishes they both knew the words to make each other understand. But deep down, Jonghyun knows it wouldn’t matter anyway.

And in the end, he knows with a terribly grim certainty what he will do.

He will wonder in silence, about all the things wrong in their relationship. He will question all the oddities, the quirks they've shared between themselves.

He will think about other people's relationships, unable to keep himself from comparing.

Jonghyun won't stop wondering if every relationship is this hard, or if he's just being childish and making things harder than they have to be.

The insecurity is like a weighted blanket, draping itself over his shoulders like an old friend.

And Jonghyun will do what they both have a tendency to do so well. He will not bring up The Woman's name. He will endeavour to ignore all signs of Taemin’s infidelity, continuing to examine his vague indifference over something he swore was a deal breaker.

So the issues will keep piling up, and he will keep pretending not to see them.

Because well.. He's awfully good at that.


End file.
